Saturday, May 17, 2014

This is Not 1984

You know what autism isn't anything like?

Cancer. Or painful female conditions.

I'm currently in menopause at the age of 31 due to severe endometriosis and several treatments. I kind of hate my femaleness right about now. Because, ya know, if I'd been born with a penis, I wouldn't have this issue. And there wouldn't be a drug coursing through my body causing enormous pain while killing off estrogen cells.

But I digress.

I would loathe for someone to tell me how to feel about my own body or my mind when they're not living in it. That's presumptive and elitist. To those who want to tell me this, I say, "Check your damn privilege."

I don't want to be someone telling another person how to feel about their feelings. I, when asked, try to explain that "I" cannot seem to separate my own autism from myself or Morgan's autism from him. I don't hate my autism- I hate the comorbids of anxiety, sensory issues, depression, looping thoughts, insomnia, etc. I don't hate Morgan's autism, I hate what seems to come with it- anxiety, inability to make and keep friends, sometimes violent meltdowns, the LDs that appear to be comorbids, etc.

These are my own truths, they aren't for everyone else.

I can see where the "us vs. them" mentality is coming from- on both sides. No one is innocent in this. Hell, some people (on both sides) seem to enjoy poking the embers of this debate into a huge bonfire.

I've had my own neurology attacked. I've been told that I cannot understand something because of my diagnosis more than once. I've been told that my "kind" of autism either doesn't limit my abilities or limits them too much to comprehend things - all from people who have never spent a minute, an hour, or a day with me. I've expressed opinions and had neurotypicals run right over them, clamoring for their voices to be louder than mine.

I might have problems reading intent, but I know when I've had a direct insult lobbied my way, and I'm by no means stupid.

That isn't okay, it's beyond rude, and damn insulting.

I see where some autistics are quick to tell parents just how fucking wrong they are for trying to help their children in any way, for feeling feelings, and for disagreeing with them- *throws the bigot card.*

I call bullshit on that.

Then there are the parents who ally with the autistics, which is both good and bad. Everyone needs allies. I'm seeing a trend toward some of the self advocate allies to soak up words from autists with nearly cult like fascination and immediately apologize should they (the ally) ever step out of the dictated lines.

You know what I call my "allies?" Friends. We bicker, disagree and debate. In private.

Is that what we want? Really? Do we want to attack the very parents who are raising autistic children? Those who will be the next self advocates? How do you expect any progress to be made?

We have reached a point where debate is no longer allowed. We reached the point where talking about the hard things isn't allowed and to do so results in vilification and condemnation.

As an adult autistic, with an autistic child, I'm admitting that this life isn't easy. But I want to help others, even if I disagree with them. I want to lobby for better treatment of my autistic peers. I want to raise hell. But I want to do it honestly.

People disagree with me and I them. I don't call them a bigot. I do say some impolite words behind the screen or in print, but I don't claim that because of someone's neurology, either NT or ASD, they just "can't" understand and therefore the topic is off the table.

Folks, this isn't 1984 and there should be no thought or feelings police. Especially when it comes to something as unique as autism.

1 comment :

  1. It seems obvious, yet this still has to be spelled out for many. So discouraging. Thanks for sharing this! <3